The Three Golden Fails of Christmas…..

Ever find yourself saying the same thing year after year? Especially when it relates to Christmas?  I know I do.  So as I sit here knocking back Prosecco, stuffing Quality Streets after another healthy tea of paté and bread, TOTALLY ignoring the huge pile of Christmas presents invading my kitchen table along with rolls of wrapping paper, sellotape, gift tags etc I got thinking about Christmas and no matter what I tell myself I am a creature of habit and most likely will never ever conquer the organisationational equivalent of a highly skilled military operation.  More commonly know as Christmas.

Fail number One.

Next year I’m starting ALL my present shopping early & wrapping it all before December 1st.

So much easier said than done.  You start with good intentions and also vow that Absolutely no one will be getting a crappy gift card this year.  You’re going to source the most amazing thoughtful unique presents that everyone will be simply gushing over and amazingly grateful for.  You’re out one day back in September, see a few things and know someone who would like that.  Or the shops start filling up with the gifty type stuff so you grab some “stocking fillers” and feel mighty chuffed with yourself.  I’m doing it this year, I’m nailing this Christmas shopping malarky (despite the fact you have resorted to the same old usual Boots 3 for 2 smellies for the same people).  Then with your smugness in full swing you suddenly realise its mid December and you haven’t bought the BIG stuff.  Cue panic shopping, frantically asking children over and over again what they want in case Santa gets it wrong and a mild breakdown 5 days to go because you have SO MUCH STUFF TO BLOODY BUY…………

Fail number Two.

You will not consume an excessive amount of food and booze apart from Christmas Day.

Remember I was back at Slimming World? Yeah. That’s going well. I had every intention of sticking to it right up until the very last second before we are awoken by excitable little kids on Christmas morning.  But December hit, dinners and drinks with friends, numerous hangovers requiring all the carbs and not to mention the two (maybe three/four) occassions I’ve tucked into the various chocolate stocking fillers I was stashing in my desk. OOOPS………

Oh well, that’s what leggings are made for and with five days to go and a whole lot of food yet to be consumed they’re going to be worn ALOT.

Fail number Three.

We are going to do so much wonderful “family bonding” over the Christmas holidays.

Long winter walks with kids all skipping along, dog running free, wrapped in our lovely new winter woolies and wellies.  Playing board games after tea.  Friends and family over and having wonderful homecooked nibbles and desserts. The reality? Mum wants to go for said lovely winter walk because it’s what families do.  Husband finds some meaningless diy/household task that he insists needs completing or pretends he has “important” work to do to escape mum banging on about being a normal family. Kids refuse to go for walk because its boring and they are tired.  Yes because we have sat around inside on our arses eating and doing nothing for days.  We are all tired but need fresh air mum shouts. Mum decides to get away from all the negativity so will pop out and do a third panic food shop in less than a week because you need enough food to sustain a third world country for a year “in case someone calls round.”  When people do actually come over Mum resorts to same old frozen party pieces and yule log on offer in Tesco’s because she can no longer be arsed with anything and quite frankly, is now beyond wanting to “bond” with her family and wants them all to bugger off back to school and work and get back to the routine she everyday swears she needs a break from.

Someone please tell me that THAT is how families bond over Christmas??

Did I mention its five days to go???

Happy Christmas!!

Dorset Wife



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